It is a
new year again. For a few years, I used to post a kind of ‘yearly updates’ on
new year eve, as it gave me a sense of satisfaction as well as pride, that I
achieved a few things during the year. Of course, I would share only what is ok
to share in front of extended friends and some strangers. Then, around mid-life
crisis stage, two years back, I realized that life was in a status quo and I
did not really have much updates. I skipped it for a year and then next year, I
did not even feel like reviewing the year in my mind. Perhaps the best years of
life were over and now it was a slumber. Small achievements did not feel like
achievements and some changes like job change or location sounded like a hassle
when thought came to consider those as updates.
I think each
phase of life has good and bad things and the current phase we are going through
feels like worst. Then, a few years would pass and when we look back, those
years would feel like very good times, or at least much better than the “new
current”. This is why life is called a mirage (mrig-marichika in Sanskrit/Hindi).
There is nothing that we are discovering about life, our ancient Rishis had experienced
all, pondered overall, and had given a verdict on all things we call life. If
we think about this, we get to again question why we are wasting time on earth
anyway.
Coming
back to yearly updates, I think the year passing by was one of the worst on health
front. I remember I had fallen sick only once seriously before in life
immediately after marriage, but when I think about that phase, now I do not
remember any pain or suffering. I was young and at least my spirit was not broken
by then. Year 2021, perhaps because it is too recent as of now, fills me with
anger. Why was I to fall sick and why should I take so long to recover? I know
that with age, recoveries take longer time and we can feel hard time getting accustomed
to aging. But the worst part is when we do not feel that we are changing, from
the inside we are still the same, but things are indeed changing, I guess. This
is why, immortality is one of the greatest themes of ancient Hindu scriptures. Personally,
I do not want to be immortal; and for some time I am mentally ready to go anytime; but that is because of my life experiences and I do not recommend this defeatist attitude to anyone
else. We were born to life and fight, not to give up.
I am happy
that year 2021 is over and by its end, I was fully recovered too. Now I am like
I was at the beginning of 2021 and one year seems to have just vanished with no
accomplishments for the count.
I do not
want to have a wish-list for the new year 2022, except that I would definitely
like it to bring no more troubles or surprises for me and I want time to just forget
that I am alive, if it can help. All I wanted from life was to have an ordinary
happy life with my family but now I suspect life has some plans to make my life
appear like a tragic novel full of twists and turns, which I simply detest. Sometimes
it feels being a rabbit in a jungle may be better than this mess called life. Nature
has given us a heart, a mind and a conscience, all so that we can suffer better.
In next life, I would rather like to be a pebble at the bottom of a river,
because I think even that is better than what humans have created in the name
of our life on earth.
With hope
of some mercy and kindness accidently coming my way, if God allows it in a
better mood.
- Rahul
