Ego-Attachment Vs Love

I have kept an opinion that if you love someone, you can’t hurt him/her at the same time. Love is not a ‘temporary’ state of mind which can change with situations. If you love someone, you would be kind and harmless to the person, ‘always’. Even though at times you need to be strict or tough with the person, deep within you would still be feeling love for him/her. If this doesn’t happen, there is some problem. There is no judge other than your heart – you just need to keep calm and ask your heart if you love the person, despite his/her flaws, despite the problems and disputes, despite good or bad times, and the answer has to be “yes”. If the answer is “no” on some days, and a “yes” on some others, there is a problem.

On the other hand, a lot many of us do what can be called “conditional love” to take it in most optimistic sense. If you love a person if he/she does something or doesn’t do something, there is a problem. If you love a person only if one says something to you or if doesn’t say it, or to others, there is some problem. Such states of relationships are “conditional”. Until one fits into that criterion, or those criteria which you set in your mind, you would love one, the moment one behaves contrary to that, you would hate one – this is anything but love. The term “love” takes with it characteristics like care, empathy, non-violence, surrender, loyalty, without saying.

Some days back I read a book where the author not only confirms my thoughts but also takes it further. What I call conditional love, he correctly calls it ‘ego-attachment’. Here is an extract:

“Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships, and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional. They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are “in love”, but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency. It seems that most “love relationships” become love/hate relationships before long.

If in your relationship you experience both “love” and the opposite of “love” – attack, emotional violence, and so on – then it is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your “love” has an opposite, then it is not love but a strange ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the ego’s substitute for salvation, and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation.

But there comes a time when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the “love relationship” now resurface.” (P91-92)

Ref: Chap. 7, ‘Practicing the Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle, Yogi Impressions

- Rahul

Dilemma of a ‘Doer’

Be it in our day to day life or once in a while, at times we wonder if we can take all the credit for the work done or is it that things happen at their own will, beyond our control. This, I call the dilemma of the ‘doer’. In Bhagawat Geeta, Lord Krishna asks us not to wish for goals or to take credit; in fact reach a state where we don’t have any feelings of ‘doer’ also. Today, a very small and regular incident happened, which points towards many vital things.

As part of my daily job I have to send a report every evening. There is a time slot within which the report should go to clients. I have myself fixed a benchmark of 4pm for my reports – thinking that it won’t be best to received daily-reports at varied times, even though within the timeslot. Today, I had finished my report about an hour before time, so I kept it in draft, in ‘unsent’ condition. I wanted to send it exactly at 16:00:00 Hrs. When the system time reached 4:00, I sent it. I felt good about it. Then I started on other works. Suddenly I suspected if the email had actually gone. I checked the Outlook and found that the email was still in the Outbox. I clicked on Refresh, but it was not going. I kept on Refreshing, then closed and opened Outlook, and by the time the email actually went off from my Inbox, the clock was 4:02. What a shocking realization. It reminded me partially of Murphy’s Law. But more than that, it reminded me that despite the fact that I did everything right from my side, it was actually not in my hand to send the email at exactly 4:00. Though I tried my best from all aspects I could control, a simple job like sending a ready email was not in my hand. Then, we can imagine about ‘bigger’ jobs!

Hindus believe that God breaks our ego at various stages, in different forms. They try to see lessons even in conditions which appear ‘let downs’. Such an attitude gives them strong sustenance qualities. We are also taught from our childhood not to flaunt our success or riches, and to give credit for our successes to other things like luck. With today’s small incident, I am forced to rethink about the power of the unrevealed and in smallness of our efforts. Dilemmas of a ‘doer’…

© Rahul

The Role of Social Networking Sites in our Life

Now a day that I am getting busier than ever, I am getting less time for doing two things in particular: spend time on social networking sites, and to read articles which provide me good food-for-thoughts. I am still spending quality time with my near and dear ones, and I do read books regularly; and this brings the equation to some interesting inferences. Is life better with or without social networking sites like Facebook, Orkut, Twitter, or Googleplus? I happened to read two very enticing articles today; one is on the extreme and the other is rather a sane voice:

The first news says, “Internet hacktivist group Anonymous has urged to destroy Facebook on 5th of November”. I thought it would be interesting to read their allegations hence I read through the buzz, and here is something which was agreeable to some extent for most users (IMO): 

“Everything you do on Facebook stays on Facebook regardless of your “privacy” settings, and deleting your account is impossible, even if you “delete” your account, all your personal info stays on Facebook and can be recovered at any time. Changing the privacy settings to make your Facebook account more “private” is also a delusion. Facebook knows more about you than your family.”

“It is not a battle over the future of privacy and publicity. It is a battle for choice and informed consent.”

“Facebook keeps saying that it gives users choices, but that is completely false. It gives users the illusion of and hides the details away from them “for their own good” while they then make millions off of you. When a service is “free,” it really means they’re making money off of you and your information.”

“Think for a while and prepare for a day that will go down in history. November 5 2011, #opfacebook. Engaged.”

Read complete piece: http://www.buzzom.com/2011/08/anonymous-urges-to-destroy-facebook-on-november-5/

Not that I support hacking as a means to achieve some goal, but I do understand their concerns about lack of privacy and denial of choice and consent. The concern is real.

On the other hand, I found a very interesting article on the HBR Blog Network. Whitney Johnson uses most of the social networking sites and she sees the whole thing in a very different perspective:

“According to the jobs-to-be-done framework, whenever we buy something, we are hiring the product or service to do a "job," the job being a problem we want to solve or a way to advance toward a better self. With few exceptions, every job that people want done has emotional, social and functional elements. Let's start with what I presently hire social media to do:

1. Help me find my personal voice and get published.

2. Help me be found professionally.

3. Help me stay in touch with people I like, even though our lives don't currently intersect.

4. Help me expand my network.”

“While technology can hinder progress by making us hyper-connected, distracting us from those we love, and helping us avoid our to-do list, the important job of technology in general, and social media in particular, is to facilitate human connection, to expand our social circles and strengthen our in real life relationships. That's true progress — a job we all want done.”

Read complete piece here: http://blogs.hbr.org/johnson/2011/08/what-job-does-social-media-do.html

While this second article puts up facts and features in supporting the positive role of social (or socio-professional) networking sites, I wonder why we can’t have best of both worlds. Why can’t we do all good things with the social-networking sites, and yet don’t face risks of lack of privacy which websites like Facebook have inherent in them?

I think ideally the power should be in the hands of the users; sites like Facebook should provide us with features that we demand. But in reality I feel the power is still in the hands of the websites and users follow what is offered to them. This is why I feel the arrival of Googleplus (or Google+) is a good sign in my opinion. Given a serious competition, the s/n sites like FB will not have to look at what users really want (or fear), rather than throwing features and apps at the ever-amazed (or addicted) audiences. I believe the competition amongst social-networking sites will try to bring us to a situation where the users’ fears and demands would be genuinely addressed. And then, there won’t be any need for a hacker group to claim righteous-hacking of websites like Facebook, to teach them a lesson.

© Rahul

Challenges in Sharing Knowledge

Recently I published an article at the knowledge portal of our company. As a custom, I was suggested by colleagues to post an email to our group, announcing and informing them about the document. When I sent the email, I also marked a copy to a very senior person who was practice-head at our location. While I got applause and congratulations from my ‘friends’ (with whom I shared a friendly bond at work-place) some of the colleagues with whom I had only a professional relationship (due to the fact that we didn’t go along due to many reasons like difference in nature and attitude), I had a surprise in store. Many such colleagues, instead of saying anything in appreciation or support, pointed towards the fact that I had marked my email to the senior person, and made it a point for me to know about their objection towards it. It was shocking and disappointing. I wonder if people can’t add value or do something constructive, why can’t they contain themselves from doing something negative. This habit which I think stems from a host of feelings like envy, jealousy and inferiority complex, tries to discourage a person who has done anything new. If someone sends me a document sharing his/her knowledge, would I try to find mistakes in the email content or address itself, rather than saying anything in thanks or appreciation? Some of my colleagues have taught me now that when we do something good, we should also be ready to face some out-of-the-box scenarios like this, too.

© Rahul

Good Housekeeping and Problem Solving

I used to go to my office on the company’s shuttle-bus service (meant to run in-between two office-campuses). That morning, the bus had to wait at the main gates till the queue of cars cleared out from the security check. I was sitting near a window and my eyes wandered out lazily. Suddenly I observed something unusual in something very usual.

A housekeeping staff was sweeping the road. He used a broom with a long stick and skillfully wiped the road off any trash. When he reached a point, he discarded all the trash collected. I tried to find where he discarded all the stuff. I was shocked to find that it was actually an opening of a drain where he had conveniently left all the trash! It took me no time to guess that in a day or two, the trash collected there would choke the inlet of the drain and when it will rain (that being rainy season), the drain would find itself too choked to work! And that won’t be the single drain that would be choked – so we would see some water overflowing on the road and trying to find its own way. Water finds its own way, downwards, and I remember some Sanskrit Shlokas using this as example to explain some philosophies of human nature. For me, it was disappointing but revealing at the same time.

If a well-trained housekeeping guy at our office (which is certainly amongst cleanest places in India), leaves the trash to plug the drains, the practice can also be extrapolated to understand the lack of cleanliness at public places! Taking further, this practice actually points to something which is graver – we happen to solve our problems in a similar way. We leave our problems at a place which we think has gotten us rid of those – but it actually chokes some other systems which would ultimately give rise to more serious problems. For example, if I am not able to do a job I may delegate it to a colleague to complete it as a help, thinking that I have ‘managed’ it well. Only to find one day that the drain is choked (helping colleague is no longer there) while it has started raining (I start facing serious numbers of similar cases/jobs). This makes me think about the importance of solving problems completely. Just like it was important for the housekeeping guy to discard the trash at its proper place (collection bin), it is important for us to solve the problems completely (learning that new job myself, e.g.). If we solve problems completely, then only we can feel happy about our work, either at our workplace, or in our personal lives…

© Rahul

Book Club in my Company

Being an IT company gives it many advantages. The prime one is in how the company can use technology to enhance the experience of all its stakeholders including its employees. I have the privilege of being part of an IT organization which is one of the highly respected companies of the world. Recently I noticed a small peg in its scheme of things. I noticed that we have a portal called “Book Club”, which is DC (Development Center)-specific. On this online portal which can be accessed from inside the company, employees can list the books (title, author, category, comment/review), along with the ‘availability’. The books should be the ones which they want to lend to their fellow colleagues. I just listed my two books there through a very user-friendly interface. My email ID is now displayed alone with my books. If anyone visits the portal, scans through the books and is interested in reading the book I own, one can simply email me saying so and I would bring the book to lend it to him/her. One will have to return it back to me in proper condition (there are rules to safeguard the owners), within two weeks.

Another great feature is that even books from languages other than English are allowed to be listed there. As are the religious books too – all under proper categories that helps the search feature. I now plan to list some very enlightening Hindi books on our portal.

Over two thousand books are listed there, which are all posted by employees of my DC (location). Using a simple menu, we can change the status (availability) of the books, or can even delete the books from the menu if we no longer want to lend to others. I really appreciate the fact that how this use of a simple technology (in designing this portal) has contributed a lot to make something which is so positive and benefiting!

I wish more and more companies work on these lines. One, we shall have people helping each other rather than looking outside for help, and second, with easily available books we shall make a better learned society.

- Rahul

C-LIFE Discussion: Customer Delight or Client Value?

Recently, Infosys has made a change in its set of values popularly known as C-LIFE. It has changed its “C” in C-LIFE, from “customer delight” to “client value”. Here is why I think the change is a very apt and timely decision:

I think to understand the difference between ‘customer delight’ and ‘client value’, first of all we should understand the difference between the terms ‘customer’ and ‘client’. Your customer is someone who buys or purchases a product/service from you. The customer may buy it for the first time or buy many times over. A client is someone with whom you have a business relationship, and who is in some way or the other, under protection from you for some work or service. The term ‘client’ is appropriately used for those with whom we have a long term business relationship, while the term ‘customer’ is used for those who buy our product or service without having a long term association with us. The difference becomes clear when we understand that lawyers or advocates always use the term ‘client’ and never ‘customer’ for them they provide their services to. An advertising agency will always use the term ‘client’ for their ‘clients’. Whereas those who buy a TV set or a VCD from a shop, are its customers. When we understand the difference we would immediately appreciate how Infosys has done a good job by including the term ‘client’ rather than ‘customer’ in its set of values ‘C-LIFE’.

Now let us compare the terms ‘delight’ and ‘value’, with their usage in ‘customer delight’ Vs ‘client value’. As we know, any company or service provider wants its customers and clients to feel ‘delighted’ – that is higher than the experiences summed up in terms like ‘satisfaction’ or ‘happiness’. Customers and clients would be delighted if they are provided with an experience which is beyond and exceeding their expectations. A service provider can do that by offering its services at either higher quality than anticipated, or at lower costs than estimated. But as we know, it is very difficult to do so in this competitive world when n-number of competitors are also willing to lower the prices or offer higher services for the same price. ‘Delight’ becomes a mirage and companies have gone bankrupt chasing it endlessly. So the best that a company can do, especially in the field of knowledge based services like Infosys, is to start creating ‘value’ for the clients more than, and in more ways, it was ever expected. What can be better than if we create value for the clients, rather than just fulfilling the SLAs and maintaining the agreed KPIs. Is it not true that if we provide solutions to the clients creating long term value for them, they would be delighted? Therefore, if we Infoscions create value for our clients, it would mean the same as giving our clients a ‘delight’! And hence, the two terms ‘customer delight’ and ‘client value’ become two sides of the same coin! Only, in my opinion, the one side ‘client value’ is the one which we should focus and the other will automatically come to us…

- Rahul