Karva Chauth and Feminists

A conversation between a feminist (Q) and a reformed-feminist (Me):

Q: You told me that yesterday was Karva Chauth and your wife kept a fast for you. Did you too keep a fast for her?

Me: Yes, but for one hour. When I came to know that she had not been able to see the moon and break her fast, though I was too hungry, I waited until she broke her fast. So in a way, I kept a fast for her too.

Q: That may be incidental. Why is it so that only women have to keep such fasts? Why don’t men keep such fasts?

Me: We have to understand how these festivals came into being in our society. Such festivals and customs are basically traditions. Traditionally men used to go to faraway places for their work or to earn money and hence such fasts would be inconvenient for them. Women stayed at home and hence could do the fasting, in order to show their love for their husbands. And hence mainly women keep fast, traditionally. Today, we still follow the same practice but if the lady is working and doesn’t find comfortable to do it, no one can force her. But still many women keep such fast as a token of their conjugal love.

Q: So men don’t need to show their love, and only women need to show?

Me: Men and women show their love in different ways and both make different gestures to show their love for each other. There is no harm in this; as a man doesn’t need to copy a woman and the vice versa, in order to prove they are equal.

Q: Should only women keep practicing such customs forever or a change would come?

Me: I would love to see men reciprocate the symbols of love or customs for their wives too. Personally I don’t like fasting for any reason and hence I may not love to maintain this custom, but there is no harm and only good if husbands keep fast for their wives too. I would be delighted to see that happening.

Q: I find such festivals like Karva Chauth very stupid! These are made only to subjugate and suppress women, and to maintain god like stature for men.

Me: I will tell you my experience. What did I feel when I came to know that my wife had kept Karva Chauth vrat (fast) for me? I felt humble. It was a nice and humbling feeling to know how much your wife loves you and that is why she has kept this fast for you. I supported her to maintain it properly. Such experiences only take mutual love to higher levels. I don’t see anything wrong but only good in such customs and festivals. May be at one time these festivals were maintained for some other reasons. But today, most of Hindu festivals still find relevance because their intent is good. Their inspiration is good. It is very essential to have a healthy and trusting relationship between a husband and his wife and such customs are nothing but gestures to strengthen them. I say that such festivals which give either of them an opportunity to show how much she/he cares for the other, are really nice.

Q: What about the stupid stories behind these festivals? Many of them can’t be real.

Me: Look at the inspirations and intentions behind them. I feel most of the stories and legends in Hinduism are great stories told in symbolism. Their content may belong to a different era or a different world, but their intentions are really benefitting and their messages are still very much relevant for our present generations. Dashahra is celebrated as a victory of good over evil; Diwali is celebrated as destroying darkness of ignorance by light of knowledge; Holika is burnt as a symbol of burning our desires; and then so many festivals symbolically make us respect our nature and mother earth – and I believe all these festivals give us a very relevant message for our generation too. This is why these festivals have survived for centuries. They are connected with the roots of our culture and social fiber. If a festival requires you to worship your parents as bhagwan – I see only good in it. For a festival of Raksha-bandhan, will you see it as a symbol of establishing female weakness (because she is asking her brother to protect her), or will you see it as an expression of bonding between siblings? I will prefer the later.

Q: So you recommend such old customs to continue for future generations too?

Me: Why now? If we understand their true intentions and can see that they are harmless and would only result in a healthier society, there is no harm in maintaining them forever.
Post Script: I called myself a “reformed-feminist” because once I thought I was a feminist and then I feel I grew up. In the spirit of becoming a feminist one doesn’t need to become as biased as male-chauvinists are. And if feminism makes you see violence at places where there is only love, we should better choose be happy without it.

- Rahul

Jootha?

An interesting conversation in Big Boss caught my interest. Salman Khan asked Manoj Tiwari why he disagreed to inmates eating from each-others’ dishes. He asked if Manoj found something wrong in the practice. I became curious. Indian/Hindu culture is unique in many aspects and Indians/Hindus maintain the highest aspects of ‘personal hygiene’ (as different from public one). And we have this concept of not eating other’s jootha – a word for which there is no English translation available at all! I support this practice – it’s anyone guess that eating someone else’s jootha may result in disease contraction – as jootha would contain traces of saliva; and contamination - we never know if the other person had properly washed hands or not. Salman Khan may not be knowing the background, or maybe he was casual (or tricky?) in his question. Anyways, so what did Manoj reply?

Manoj Tiwari’s reply was something like this: “I have no problems as such but I think we should not eat from someone’s plate until we know him/her properly.” He went on, “Also, I protested against them tasting the food in kitchen itself before it was served, which I found to be improper (unhygienic).” Interesting answer! It doesn’t offend anyone (which a lecture on culture or hygienic benefits would have done), and yet it is precise at the same time! I think such an art of speech really makes one very popular. And it is not everyone’s cup of tea.

- Rahul

How is the Weather?

It was Friday evening; around 6.30 PM. I came out on the balcony of our food-court, with a cup of tea in hand. There were clouds in the sky and the sun had almost set – giving the sky a distinct shade. The weather was poignant. About half of the office windows were lit. People were leaving for their homes. Some were sitting on the beautiful green lawn and talking. Some were going in the gym and employee care center. A housekeeping person was carrying away a trash-bin. A thought came to my mind. Did the same sky and the same environment appear equal to all of us? I think, certainly not. Some would be rushing to their homes looking forward to the weekend adventures. Some groups would have planned for Friday released movies. Some would have decided to stay back in the campus and enjoy games of TT or snooker. On the other hand, for some guys a tough day would have ended. For some, the end of the day would still be long to come even at 6 PM. Some singles would have been scared to go back to their lonely apartments. Some others would have problems to solve; crises to mitigate. Some would be worried about the already exhausted salary for the month. I am sure when each one of them would look at the same sky – they would feel differently. Each would feel the weather differently. Bottom-line: What we feel about the outside depends on what is going on in our inside.

- Rahul

New Five Star Ad

I hope you saw the new Five Star chocolate ad. The ad shows two guys Suresh and Ramesh who have a temporary loss of memory because they are having 5 Star. The ad seems to be popular.

Now 5 Star’s popularity is near immortal. 5 Star brand has always been in the Indian market, from the time you remember. And Cadbury’s always gave it enough focus along with Dairy Milk. No other chocolate brand could dethrone 5 Star from its position. So two questions come to our mind: (1) Was there a need to spend money on 5 Star ads when it has always been doing good and everyone knows it? (2) How is the ad?

First, the need for an ad campaign: I think 5 Star was more popular in the lower segment (its price positioning) and people also connected it with the view that 5-Star should come for only Rupees 5. This ad campaign takes the brand further up the segment and hence was definitely needed. Also, it targets adults, instead of the conventional segment of children as chocolate consumers, which is in line with the overall Cadbury’s strategy.

Then how is the ad? The ad reminded me of another ad of a Pan Masala. In fact this 5 Star ad would qualify to be called a gross copy of the later. In that ad, two long-lost brothers meet but they are not able to recognize each other because they are just having “Goa Pan Masala”. The voice-over says, “Dekho Bhai ko Bhai dekh na paya; ye hai Goa ke swad ki mayaa..” I hope you would can recall. The agency for 5 Star could have been more creative. But I think despite the duplication, this ad campaign would be successful.

What do you say?

- Rahul

Please Vote for Anuradha Koirala

CNN has selected 10 individuals as Top 10 CNN Heroes out of which it would select one as the “2010 CNN Hero of the Year”. You can vote to select one.

There is only one Indian who features on the list – Narayanan Krishnan who quit as a chef with a five star chain to feed poor and destitute. I voted for Krishnan. But I saw that we could vote for more than one!

And I voted for Anuradha Koirala. I found her work and life more valuable than anyone else.

Read here: http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/29/cnnheroes.koirala.nepal/

Even if we feel proud to be Indian, we should support her cause, because it is India where most of sex-trafficking victims are transported to (Report said 10,000-15,000 of them are trafficked to India every year); or through India to other countries including Middle-east.

Do vote for Anuradha Koirala: http://heroes.cnn.com/vote.aspx

Let us free our earth from evil human-trafficking.

- Rahul

P.S. You can even think about supporting her NGO: http://www.maitinepal.org/pages.php?option=Support

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Paper Weights and Our Life

In his novel “Bachelor of Arts”, RK Narayan portrays a very interesting father-son relationship. One episode is really heart touching. The son (who was a BA) was not agreeing to marriage and he rejected all proposals that came to him. His parents had grown old and wanted him to get married as soon as possible, maybe also because good prospects won’t always wait. One hot afternoon, his father comes to his office. After asking how things are going on, he tells about the purpose of his visit. He tells hesitantly that the boy’s mother was forcing him to talk to him about a particular marriage proposal. The son keeps silence and doesn’t tell anything. Then the father leaves his office; goes downstairs and start walking towards his home. After some time, the son wonders if his father would take his silence as his approval. So he goes downstairs and follows his father. While he is walking behind his father to stop him to talk, he notices that his father has become old. He is no longer the same young and energetic father whose picture he had in his mind. He stops his father and tells a straight “no” to that as well as all future proposals. Father tries not to appear disappointed and asks his son to forget about the proposal and be happy. Then he tells his son which goes something like this, “I noticed in your office that some of your papers were about to fly due to the running fan. Remind me in the evening, I will give you some paper-weights that I have kept in a trunk.” Then he carries on.

This was such a touching incident. The father didn’t want anything but only the wellbeing of his son. And he had a father’s heart to notice and care for even the slightest of his inconveniences. If a small paper-weight could help his son, he would try to provide it too. But did the son really care for his old parents? In his decision of not marrying, was not he denying his parents a lot of happiness and also a proper care? Didn’t his old parents deserve the happiness of seeing a bahu in their home? The son ultimately agrees to the marriage, much to the delight of his parents.

When we marry, we don’t marry only for ourselves. We bring someone to become part of our family. We marry for our mother, for our father, for our home and for our family. Extend it further and we can see that we do so many other things not for our own individual sake but for the wellbeing of a whole lot of others too. And this is a stark realization which we, the youngsters, often forget.

Can we lead our life without the love and care of our parents and family? Then, is not it natural for us to take them into consideration before we make any important decision? I think our relationships are like the paper-weights in our life; they protect us from instability and keep us grounded. Otherwise we may become as tall as the proverbial date-tree; despite its height it doesn’t provide even a little shade to others.

Let us remember the paper-weights.

- Rahul

Love of the Birds

There was a blue bird and there was a green bird. Both lived on different trees. They didn’t know about each other. They ate in different fields and floated in different directions. When they grew up, their parents got them married with each other. Blue bird was very happy to find a companion. Green bird, who was a female, liked the blue bird too. They built a small nest separate on a different tree. After some time, green bird gave birth to three small baby birds. Two of them were green and one of them was blue. They were all so happy.

One day there was a big storm. The birds got into their nests and prayed for the storm to pass without any harm. But it became harsher and harsher. Suddenly, the branch of the tree on which they had their nest broke down. After that, when the blue bird opened his eyes, he saw everything ruined. Trees were uprooted and everything was scattered out of place. He searched for the green bird and their children. She was not in sight. He kept on flying and searching. Suddenly, he found something. Above another Peepal tree which was not uprooted, his green bird had taken shelter in a broken nest of some other bird. Babies were fine too! Green bird also became so happy seeing blue bird safe.

In the days to come, something changed in their relationship. Blue bird got the feeling that the green bird didn’t love him enough. After all, when the storm had come, she had taken shelter in the Peepal tree along with their babies, but had not worried to find him out! He had to find and reach her. What if he was in danger? Would she care to worry about him? This thinking kept consuming his inside and he became more and more introvert. The green bird was too busy taking care of her babies. She couldn’t note what was in his mind. But she did notice that something was building up.

Now the blue bird started coming home without bringing much of food. When green bird asked, he said that she could also go and bring something for children herself - bringing food was not entirely his responsibility. Green bird was pained hearing this. Gradually, both became distanced…

Now the children had grown up a bit and started going away to play. One evening, again the blue bird returned home and just went to his bed. He didn’t talk to the green bird at all. Green bird realized that something was serious. She went to the blue bird, touched his feathers and pecked at his cheeks. She also started massaging his legs. She saw that he had gone weak. Tears came to her eyes…

Blue bird was not touched seeing the tears though. “Sorry”, said the green bird. Blue bird asked, “Why sorry”? Green bird said, “I see that I have not been taking proper care of you recently. You have become so thin.” Now blue bird couldn’t hold himself and told her that he thought she no longer loved him. She tried to explain that she had been busy with kids, which was the truth, but he didn’t listen. Then he mentioned about the incident on the day storm had come.

Green bird then realized where it all started. She said, “Do you know why I went after the babies and not after you?”

“It was because those were ‘your’ babies.”

Blue bird was speechless.

“Do you think I don’t love you? I love you so much that I can sacrifice my relationship for the sake of your children - after all they are symbols of ‘our’ love. If they live, our love would be immortal.”

She went on, “I knew that day that you would survive. I was sure that you will find me and our children. There wasn’t a slightest doubt. This is the strength of my love towards you…”

The blue bird was awestruck. He didn’t know what to say. His heart was beating so fast. And a pain was building up inside him, for the mistake he had made.

“I am sorry.” No matter how dumb guys are, they still can say a “sorry”.

And make everything alright again…

- Rahul

Happy Durga Puja!

Got to read three amazing articles to make our Durga Puja special:
 

Divine Mother Everywhere – Recall During Durga Puja
 

https://living.oneindia.in/yoga-spirituality/anecdotes/2010/divine-mother-durga-puja-141010.html
 

Durga Puja – The Manifestation Of Durga
 

https://living.oneindia.in/yoga-spirituality/faith-mysticism/2010/durga-puja-the-manifestation-of-durga-141010.html
 

Navaratri Worship of The Divine Mother And Significance
 

https://living.oneindia.in/yoga-spirituality/faith-mysticism/2010/navaratri-worship-divine-mother-081010.html

Inspirations

We were studying in the computer lab at around midnight. After spending quite some time there, we started discussing and gossiping. At that time, a security person came in with an attendance register. He also had a pen for us to make entries. Seeing him, we became serious and got back to our studies. That tired security guard would be spending most part of his days and nights for a few thousand of rupees, whose major part he would send back to his far away village to support his family and parents.

This was not the only time I was confronted with the harsh realities of life. My wife went many steps ahead of me. Once she returned back from a movie theatre saying she didn’t have the heart to spend 200 bucks for 2 hours of show after she saw so many poor manual laborers toiling to build a road.

Who needs lectures in motivation, when we have so many real occasions to take inspirations from?

- Rahul

Grandfather’s Death and No Cry

I still clearly remember the day my grandfather had died. I was in high school at that time. For about a week he was hospitalized in a different city. We used to get updates by phone. Father and uncles were with him. Almost whole of the extended family had gathered in his house and we waited everyday for some good news. But that day we woke up into a morning which was so very different. Grandfather’s body was brought back. They had just arrived and he was still inside the car.
 

Though I woke up because of the noise, I still remained in bed. I had sensed what had happened, but I didn’t know what to do. Then I heard someone sobbing. I thought it was inappropriate for me to remain in bed and hence I came out. The person sobbing was my elder sister! I was shocked. I and my sis had grown up fighting and competing for everything, as there was a difference of only 2 years between us. And I used to consider her stone-hearted (because many times she beat me up bitterly). I was so shocked that she was sobbing.
 

When I went downstairs, I saw my cousins (brothers). One asked me if I had cried. In a sorry state, I said no, because I was too awkward at the moment to cry. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know what to say. But I didn’t feel like crying for sure. He said that it seemed so, seeing my eyes. I said it was because of (lack of) sleep. I saw my cousins even smiling – perhaps they were happy to see us and to come to grandpa’s house after a long time. But my sister had cried.
 

For a long time, may be even today, I feel sorry that I couldn’t cry that day. My ‘stone hearted’ sis had cried – and perhaps I felt outcompeted. Did that make her better grandchild than me? I don’t know. But she had a heart…
 

Part of it was also because of our age: I was younger than my sis, and my cousins were younger than me. But I also realized how different boys and girls were… Even now I can see my tough sister sobbing. And my cousin bros smiling. And I, not knowing what to feel… Are men from Mars and women from Venus?

Big Flattering

I saw a scene from the recent edition of Big Boss. One participant was asked to describe his other inmates in a single word each. The words he chose were interesting. I noted that he used very flattering words to describe each lady inmate. He used words like “naughty”, “kind”, and even “angel” for them. For men he was blunt and used words like “double faced”, “back stabber”, and many other negative words. Though there were one or two ladies he criticized and men he hailed too, the pattern was so clear. All women in the house couldn’t be only nice, and most of men couldn’t be only of negative character. The way he described them also clearly indicated about his own approach and his own character.

I think to treat a woman nicely, just because she is a woman, is also an injustice to her. It is high time people like the participant described above learn that ‘flattering women’ is not a necessary or sufficient criteria to be called a ‘gentleman’.

- Rahul

Something about Everything

I remember the first time I saw someone working on an SAP screen. He was a warehouse executive, carrying out regular material receipt and issue transactions. I was not exposed to ERP at that time and hence tried to understand things from him. He was too busy posting goods and creating invoices and hence I had to understand from seeing what he was doing. I remember that at that time I was really amazed by the executive’s ‘expertise’. His fingers would float on the keyboard; he always knew where to go; and he remembered the puzzling t-codes by rote! What would be his qualification? Not more than a graduation in any stream. But his work impressed me. I also noticed that majority of his colleagues at his level, were all very good at their work.

Now that I have got proper training and have understood the functionalities, I see the same situation and the same guys in a very different way. I remember that when I asked those guys about anything beyond those selected navigations, they won’t know. They didn’t even know the proper full forms of terms like ‘T-code’ or ‘GRN’. Now I realize that the expertise they had gained is because of working on the same few screens day in and day out. They don’t understand things beyond what they have been taught. And they don’t fully understand the implications of what they are doing in down/upstream the supply chain. Their work is kind of transactional, repetitive and even robotic.

If we don’t properly understand things, we can easily get into the trap of accepting things on their face values and getting carried away. I think “knowing something about everything and everything about something” is still the key.

- Rahul

Peace and Memory

In one scene from the movie “The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day”, the voiceover says, “Peace is the enemy of memory.” What a startling fact!

It is so easy to forget some troubling incidents or some important reminders, if we only remain in peace for quite some time. I think it works both ways: it’s good as well as bad. If we take the example of Kashmir, the revolting people are like that because they haven’t really seen peace. And that has been the strategy of the neighboring enemy state Pakistan: if there is a period of peace in Kashmir, Kashmiris would forget to “revolt” against Indian state. On the other hand, peace is also what has made Indians numb towards many of the national goals for which our freedom fighters worked. We go on with our lives no matter one of our own people lives or dies on the footpath: our individual contribution towards poverty eradication is very low. We keep being proud of our children who go to elite schools and then settle abroad; while many like us can’t afford to feed their children properly. At one time before independence, our nation was one, behind Mahatma, in spreading the light of education.

Peace has indeed eliminated our collective memory of our national priorities. Today, we live life in a modern India, completely oblivious of many like us who have seen no light of modernity.

- Rahul

Segregated

It was going on for many days then. And I observed a pattern. We had daily tests to appear in and we studied late in the night in the computer labs. There were several labs, each assigned to one batch. There were guys who would start discussing things with colleagues, mostly related to studies, loudly. I had two options: either to ask them to be quiet, or to leave. To tolerate them was not happening as I needed much concentration for the difficult subject matter. I realized that asking them to be quiet won’t really help because bound by their habit; they would get into discussions again. And I didn’t want to suffer in discomfort and annoyance. So I left the lab and entered another one assigned for another batch.

I found that there were many like me who had taken a refuse in that lab. And that lab was pretty quiet. That made me think. The loud-guys will force the behaved-guys to quit their designated labs. After some time, all the behaved-guys would accumulate in the other quieter labs, while the loud-labs would become dominated by the loud-guys. In that situation, if one behaved-guy is trapped, he would have no option but to leave. Was my experience a simulation of the real world?

Birds of same feather flock together. Guys with similar nature would hang around amongst themselves. If this goes on without social interruption, the anecdotes like, “Know a man by his company” would stand true. But in my opinion, world is at a loss in this arrangement. When people of different natures mix, they also influence each other. With such segregation, there would be little chance for them to know and learn from each other. Is there a way out? I think in organized environments, there is still a way out. In my experience, if there was an invigilator he would discourage the loud-guys and would ask them to behave. But in real life, we seldom get to have instructors and invigilators. Our conscience would help, but only if we care.

- Rahul

Social Roles

The company has a very big campus in Hyderabad. It has more than a dozen buildings amidst trees and gardens. The whole campus is an aesthetic delight. The company is also among India’s biggest, with more than a lakh employees. Naturally, a lot of parents aspire to have their kids working here. And the manner, in which the company goes about its social responsibility, is a case study in itself.

Every Saturday, employees are free to bring in their family or friends inside the campus. A couple walking over the green grass, both holding a hand of their daughter or son is a usual scene. Then there are old parents, reviewing the place where their child spends major part of his or her waking hours. Not to mention, the campus takes a very different color every weekend. And it is such a delight! Many times students from local colleges also visit the campus as part of industrial visit. I believe they go back with a dream which would not only help them but also our nation. Then there are skills development programs conducted for teachers and professors. It is like a win-win strategy, much like the legendary Henry Ford’s strategy of empowering his employees so that they could buy a Ford car. The company also holds a very high position in terms of business ethics and values, and with these social interactions, it plays a very important role in our nation’s progress.

I remember the time when a college was discussing whether to close an access road which ran through its campus, for the ‘outsiders’. Locals took it to save their precious minutes. One professor suggested that we should never close it for them. A university has a very constructive role to play for the place where it is situated. To allow the locals to have whiffs of that fresh academic air should definitely not be disrupted, in spirits of the larger good.

If only all our institutions play a more constructive role in the development of our society our nation would take a faster pace towards reclaiming its past glory.

- Rahul

Business Risk in Marital Convenience

While on a train journey, I met a lady of my mother’s age. She enquired about my job and about what my spouse does. When she came to know that wife was in a very un-matching profession than mine, she started sharing her apprehensions. Her son and her daughter-in-law both had same qualifications and were working in similar consultancy profiles for two competing companies. She expressed happiness that whenever one of them needed help on professional front, the other was right there to help. She thought that both ‘gained’ and hence rose fast because of their same job profiles. But I had my doubts.

I wonder if the two companies where they are working know about their case. In consultancy, there is lot of confidential client information involved, which should be protected at all cost. In the lady’s case, such secrecy is defeated. Secondly, companies also guard their confidential procedures, systems, checks and loop-holes from their competitors. What if the husband and wife kept feeding each other with confidential client information; which actually helped them win accounts ‘individually’? Both these guys would become outstanding performers due to their nexus, but their companies might start losing lots of prospects and money in the process! This is why I believe that companies should be watchful of such circumstances during the background check stage. If husband and wife are in the same profession, both of them could be given offer of employment by the company. That would be a good proposition. But if a critical employee’s spouse is working with a competitor, there is lot at the stake in the long run.

On the other hand, a couple in the same profession may lack ‘variety’ in life. I don’t know anyone who loves absolute monotony percolating from office to home. And for help, we can always trust good colleagues and close friends! Being in different professions would also avoid any ‘ego-clash’ which is inevitable in same profession couples. Bottom-line: I see more advantages than disadvantages in couples having different professions. What say you?

- Rahul

Let there be Light

Today, we had a group photograph in our office. Our unit is about a hundred strong. When we gathered at the entry stairs for that perfect portrait, it was around afternoon. The three front rows were out in the sun while the last three rows were in the shade. I and my group of friends comfortably settled in the middle of the last row. We could see the photographer from there and made adjustments so that our face would come in the snap. The guys who had chosen the front rows were getting red in the harsh sunlight. The last rows even laughed at their sorry condition. When we said ‘cheese’, the last rows had the first smiles and the front rows tried hard to look up with their tiny eyes. Three shots captured the moment.

The photographs have come a few minutes ago. The guys in the front rows appeared bright and lit-up in the snaps while the faces in the shaded last rows are dark and not so apparent. What an eye-opener!

If you want to make a difference, you have to be in the ‘sun’. Never mind the sunlight. And bear the ‘heat’.

- Rahul