Changing Nature of Relationships

One oft-repeated phrase of our time is, “Change is the only constant thing of this world.” And this is a very apt statement. I call it a phrase of “our time” because the world never moved as fast as it has been moving in the past decades. Almost everything has undergone fundamental changes; be it the way we live, the things we own, the things we looked forward to own, and even our value system. Our relationships have also changed. But my focus right now is not on the macro level changes happening at global scale. I am looking at the way things change for the constant person within his/her lifetime… This change is something which has remained constant over time, though the nature and intensity of changes always vary…

The kid is free from the burden of expectations on him. He can shout, cry, sleep, or laugh whenever/wherever he wants or feels like. It doesn’t remain the same as he grows up. At times even kids feel that their early-childhood was better than their then-childhood’s stage which is more mature and responsible. Along with time, they feel they are able to enjoy lesser things and in lesser ways and have to live up to the patterns of the society. As they grow up to a certain age, they get to know and feel things which had been invisible to them so far. They get to know that their friends are of two types – boys and girls – and hence they decide to make groups amongst the same gender. “Discipline” is a word which youngsters listen a lot, and at times to the frustrating limits. Their freedom is chained and their behaviors are monitored. Life becomes less fun and more mechanical. After some more years, during what we call adolescence or teenage, when they confuse themselves between being a kid and a grownup man/woman, they get revolting feelings. Their relationships to even their parents are not the same. There is more thinking, judging, and protest, than simply obeying. These years can be very turbulent, depending on the circumstances and environment shaping them. Boys and girls have now their distinct individual personalities, aspirations, value system, philosophies, likes & dislikes. Almost everything changes now, and there is also a kind of “clarity” which they experienced never before. By the time they survive the teen years, they almost become what they had never dreamt of becoming – “part of society” confirming to its standards…

It is interesting to think that all through the changes, is there something which remains constant? Spirituality will say that only our “soul” remains constant, while our body, our mind, and everything else changes. But talking on a different plane, I wonder again: is there anything which remains the same? It is obvious that everything material would have undergone changes – be it our house, city, gadgets, technology, our bodies, our hair, etc. Are the soft aspects of life the same? Even our likes and dislikes would have changed much. Some things may not change, like kids with sweet tooth may grow up but still love sweet stuff; may be cakes instead of candies. Now, do our relationships change? A son who has now a boss in office and a wife at home to please, does he remain as warm and sweet to his parents as before? A daughter who has got an altogether new family to adjust in and entertain, will she have a change in her priorities? Will a brother behave the same with his sister who is married now? Will a father interrupt his daughter like before even if she has a whole new world to look after? It seems life becomes more complex, more challenging and difficult – but at the same time people also become tougher, abler, and stronger. The point is not the way things go – for better or for worse. The point is that almost nothing remains the same… Is that a pity? Is that a blessing? I am sure more vote would go for the former, but that is not because of facts of life but because of the way we are designed…

I think we are all designed in a way that we like and seek stability and security. Things which seem predictable to us, things which we can understand and hence judge, look better to us than things which are unpredictable, opaque, dark and aloof, even if appearing more profitable. Hence I think that along with our growing up, we tend to have more insecurities and fears piling inside us… The more we are exposed to new and changed things, somewhere inside our system we should be seeking more stability and less changes, in some way or the other… These insecurities or fears may turn out into complexes of our mind, or may make us do or not do some things. Again the question is not if this is good or bad, because by and large we don’t have a choice! Yet, I think the more we are ‘aware of ourselves’, the ‘stronger’ we are from the inside, and hence better we shall be able to manage these changes… And in the end, managing the changes is same as managing ourselves…

- Rahul