Empathy

 

There have been many instances when I have felt that I have a kind of ‘excess empathy’. I am able to connect and “feel more” than what I notice most others around me do. At times this ability gives me deeper insights into things than would otherwise. Sometime back, there was a weird incident which made me reflect and come to conclusion that it had something to do with the “empathy” too.

A carpenter had fixed door frame which resulted in some misalignment when I first used it after he was gone. Entire frame was making an unusual sound as well as shaking whenever the door was closed. I was annoyed with the carpenter since he had done many other mistakes in other works too. And I started feeling discomfort with the fact that my door frame was in “trouble”.

I immediately checked it out from all angles, noticing how the pieces of wood and steel moved and how those resulted in vibration and stress in the door frame. I noticed a small piece of plyboard which was thrust between a larger outer piece and the iron frame and concluded that it had to be removed in order to fix the problem. I called up the carpenter who promised to check and fix it next morning.

Next morning, the carpenter checked and started hitting the frame with a hammer in order to fix it. I told him to stop and asked him how it was going to fix it? He believed that hitting it with a hammer will push the portion enough so that it will bend and no longer cause trouble. But I told him my diagnostic – that the small plyboard piece needed to be removed and then everything will be alright. I ordered him that he had to do as I told and then he obliged. The moment that piece was taken out, the door frame came back into its normal state. I was proven right.

Afterwards, I reflected about how I could be right in that situation while the carpenter was not; despite it not being my forte and he being an expert in that area. I came to only conclusion that it was because I could relate to the door since it belonged to my home and hence I had looked deeper with more empathy; while the carpenter was as careless in his diagnostics as careless he was while fixing the door frame causing the problem. Difference was in the “sense of ownership” and “responsibility”.

This incident highlighted the importance of empathizing with things which leads to managing the situations in a different manner.

- Rahul Tiwary