On Sympathy and Empathy

 

While watching a movie today, an emotional scene came where someone was pained and while watching the scene, I started choking up too. At times like these, I just look away and tried to distract myself. It was just a regular thing happening on a regular day. But later, somehow my subconscious mind recalled this, and I pondered it over.

I remembered that this was not a new phenomenon for me. I have read some people asking, “do you cry whil watching a movie?” and I knew I did. While watching movies in a theatre, if there is an emotional scene, I get tears in my eyes and I have to distract myself to avoid crying. Why does it happen like that?

I had read this before, but I think I understood this only today. I had read somewhere on the topic of the difference between sympathy and empathy that sympathy means feeling sorry for someone in trouble and empathy means actually “feeling” someone else’s pain ourselves. I remember that a trainer in one of my previous companies had explained this to us. At that time, I had just known the concept; but did not internalize it. Somehow, I have fully understood it only now. I do start feeling other people’s pain and I start choking up on the inside. Of course, I have to stop doing this; so I force myself to stop thinking about the person in pain and I look away or try to act numb in order to control myself. Since when did I become like this? I have vivid memories of my childhood and I clearly remember that I was not like this earlier. I think I became sensitive and developed empathy during/after college days. Earlier, I hardly understood things of the world and minded my own business i.e. studies. Did my reading hobby made me do that? I don’t know, because I had started reading fiction/non-fiction books massively during college days and each writer and his book did have an impact over me.

While everyone must be feeling empathy towards others to some extent; I think I have excess of it. Due to this, I start “feeling” too often.

I had read somewhere that having empathy is good because such people can really help others. But how about the pain such a person has to endure oneself? At the same time, I don’t think having empathy is a ‘curse’ because we can always control it by stopping or distracting ourselves. In a way, if we have natural empathy, we may feel more vulnerable and humane than others. At times it may not feel like a blessing, but it is not a bad thing either. It makes us what we are, and it must make our ‘inner life’ more interesting. Others around us won’t be able to know what volcano would be erupting inside us. Perhaps it makes us a bit more self-aware and self-centered or introverted too.

Having empathy may not be a blessing or a curse. But I think it is definitely like having “more” inside us. I think it is like having two hearts instead of one. After that, our life situation would be deciding more about us than anything else.

As a conclusion, I don’t know whether having empathy is a good thing or a bad thing. If we think of it as a bad thing since it makes us vulnerable, we should remind ourselves that we have the ability to control ourselves and not become slave of our empathy. If we think of it as a good thing, we can remind ourselves about the pain we are subjected to because of our empathy while those lacking it are seemingly not affected and hence happier. Therefore, I think empathy is one of those complex things which are difficult to be judged fairly and fully.

- Rahul