“Aapki Ladki…”

Within a month after weddings in India, some kind of feedback flows from sasural to mayake. These feedbacks can come as one-offs or can come regularly. Some in-laws follow this custom almost religiously with utmost sincerely. Not that the bride’s parents don’t know these facts about their own daughter, but the in-laws consider it their duty to let them know the minute details of her ‘performance’. Perhaps it is part of their relationship building! These feedbacks can be of a variety of types - constructive, sarcastic, funny, little, naïve, grave and what not. “The new bahu sleeps till 10 o’ clock in the morning.” “She forgot adding salt in sabji”, or “added salt in tea”. “She didn’t touch the feet of that Pappu ke chacha ki chachi”, “nor did she entertain Tinku ki bhanji ki baby”. These little gestures perhaps give a lot of revealment about her coming days and since the bahu is the future bearer of the vansh, each of her mistakes are analysed with a great detail. Of the only positive feedback for any bahu I know, that I remember, was this:

She was our tenant’s daughter. When she got married and spent 3-4 days at her in-law’s house in another town, once her husband’s grandfather saw her and called her near to him and asked with a smile, “Where is your home young lady?” Now what she should have replied? She could have told the name of the city where she lived; her father’s place. Or shown some education by mentioning India, or earth, or flaunted about all the cities she had lived in so far? But as soon as the question was asked, there came her reply: she mentioned the name of the city where her in-laws lived! The old man was so much impressed by her answer, that he made it a point to tell about her smartness to one and all. And then this positive feedback also flowed back to her parent’s place! They obviously shared it with all family and friends too.

A girl in India is burdened with the responsibility of maintaining two families – her parent’s as well as her in-laws’. She can’t run away from either of these. Of course such responsibility has got both advantages and disadvantages, but this is also one thing which makes women worthy of worship in the culture of the land. The trap is that there are so many expectations from her, that if she doesn’t cope up with any side, she loses the appreciation. But women in India also earn most of their abilities, qualities, strengths and appreciations by getting deep into the gamut of responsibilities… This small episode with the young bride tells a lot about the expectations from daughter-in-laws, our family structures, thinking and the way to go…

- Rahul

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