How
ego works and how our behavior changes because of our ego-association with things can
be seen in what happened a few months back.
I was at our hometown after a long
time. Normally father does all the shopping for the house. I am not used to buy things
for the house in presence of father as it looks awkward. This time my nephew
and niece were at home. Father used to buy for them ‘Kurkure’ snacks which they
are very-very fond of and demand all the time. Once I went to market and bought
them one pack of ‘Kurkure’ each. They were enjoying it when another kid from
the neighborhood came and demanded some snacks for herself too (all kids are
mad fans of Kurkure). My niece offered her the same, but the kid grabbed almost
all that was in the packet and quickly started eating. Realizing the ‘loot’, my
niece cried. Father became angry saying I should either have also bought one
more pack for the neighborhood kid too since I knew about her presence, or else I should not have allowed my
niece to eat it in the open in front of other kids. I noticed that I protested
against this position and made my point bluntly that rather my niece should learn how to
protect herself and same situation could have appeared even if I brought one
pack for the neighborhood kid and yet she tried to rob my niece. While I had a
valid point, but the manner in which I asserted myself in front of my father
even surprised me. Why did I raise my voice and asserted myself on such a
trivial issue?
In a moment it became clear to me that my behavior was so
because I felt “I” had right of opinion since “I” had bought the packets of
snacks for the kids. This ego generating from “I” surprised me. I was ashamed
of my behavior but by that time harm was already done. Though I don’t think
father felt bad about it or remembered it afterwards but I knew I was wrong and I had a guilt feeling...
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