"The world will heal; all it needs is a few more kind hands. A few more." ~ Rahul 

#Hinduism: Daughter lighting funeral pyre of Atal Bihari Vajpayee

After demise of Atal Bihari Vajpayee, one of India's best and most respected Prime Ministers on 16^th of August, his foster daughter Namita Kaul Bhattacharya lit the funeral pyre ^[1]. That created some buzz in the media as media is always eager to cover as many aspects of the ‘news of the hour’ as possible. Media reported about the fact that a daughter lighting funeral pyre is not common among Hindus; which is correct. But it is important to note that the reason behind the custom is not any bias against women but a different one altogether.

First, Hinduism as a religion does not ban women from attending cremation or a female from lighting funeral pyres. A lot of women have done so across the times. This practice of not allowing women at the cremation site is more of a cultural practice or a social custom. The reasons can be explained in many ways.

The major reason is that daughters are perceived to be emotional and too attached to their parents and hence may not be able to carry the whole process as strongly as a son would be able to do. This should not be seen as a sign of ‘weakness’ as modern feminist could judge it as. Any custom that society makes considers the general welfare of people. In several cases a daughter may be strong enough or stronger than the son but those would be exceptional cases.

Anu Lall writes in her article ^[2] titled "Why Hindu Women don’t light funeral pyres":

"As the fire leapt up, the pandit handed over a bamboo stick for the Kapaal Kriya — breaking the skull to release the soul from the body. Several times in the process, buckets of water were poured on me, or I was asked to pour on myself. Shivering to the spine, in the cold November rain, breaking my dad’s skull, my senses were numb, maybe heart stopped beating. I must be breathing. Must have, coz I didn’t die. We came back, drenched to the bone, my soul and mind paralysed."

This just gives an account of kind of experience the doer of the rituals have to go through.

You can go through the whole process or rituals in this article on Hindu Jagriti website  ^[3].

It is an arduous task.

Even if daughters or females were allowed to do the rituals, all of them may not like to do it. Hence sons or male members of the family would take care of the process. It is very important to note that this custom is to "safeguard" the women from the trouble.

Many a time when the deceased does not have a male family member, one of the daughters or a female family member does the process. No Hindu organization issues a "fatwa" against them or any other sort of protest.

To conclude, this custom of not allowing females from doing the cremation rites is social in nature, not religious. And this custom was made to safeguard the females from the inconvenience and ordeal due to a cumbersome process, not as a form of any gender discrimination.

:: Rahul Tiwary 

References:

1.     https://www.news18.com/news/india/atal-bihari-vajpayee-funeral-live-updates-daughter-lights-pyre-of-former-pm-nation-bids-teary-adieu-1847293.html

2.      https://medium.com/@anulall/why-indian-women-dont-light-funeral-pyres-48580e52dd0d

3.      https://www.hindujagruti.org/hinduism/rituals-to-be-performed-prior-to-and-during-cremation-of-a-dead-body

Disclaimer: Views are personal.

#Message: Draupadi and Boon from Shiva

Draupadi worshiped Lord Shiva and asked for husband who is honest and strong and skilled and handsome and intelligent.

Instead of giving her one husband with all five qualities, Shiva gave her five husbands each with one quality.

Message: Beware of what you wish, because you may get it but not in the manner you expect! And old wisdom still works - expect less and be modest in your wants and wishes...

- Rahul 

#Hinduism: Shankara: Ideal God for Householders

God is one but is worshiped by different people in different forms.

Someone said that for a 'grihastha' or householder, the best form of God to worship is Vishnu or his avatars like Ram or Krishn; mainly driving inspiration from 'trilogy' concept in Hinduism where Vishnu is the form of God who sustains life while Shiv is the god of destruction. But there is more in Hinduism apart from Trilogy concept and hence there are no easy conclusions.

Do you know that the only Hindu god who is to be visualized as a householder with a wife and children is Lord Shiva! In popular images you can find Shiva and Parvati sitting together while baby Ganesha and Karthikeya are in their lap. On the other hand, Lord Rama is worshiped along with wife Sita, his brothers and Hanuman but not with his kids. Lord Krishn can be seen along with Radha as consort. Lord Vishnu can be seen along with Goddess Lakshmi. Lord Hanuman was a brahmchari so sometimes he is seen alone while some times along with Lord Ram. Goddess Durga is seen alone. No other God apart from Lord Shiv is visualized along with their children as a family.

Shiv is originally a hermit living on Mount Kailash but he was 'domesticated' by Shakti when she brought him to Kashi where he became Shankara, a householder. Parvati ji became Goddess Annapurna, goddess of food and nourishment for everyone.

Shiv family is also complete. Shiva is Purusha himself; his wife Sati is considered ideal wife; Ganesha is considered ideal son; Karthikeya is the warrior god who protects villages. Together, they represent perfect balance in the universe.

Hence as Shankara, Shiva becomes ideal god of householders or grihasthas.

- Rahul Tiwary