[Society] Who Takes Care of Fathers?

Sometime back I watched a movie where children of a rude father got really annoyed with the hard-headed manner in which they were treated. They complained that their father did not play with them, did not do anything to impress them; but just gave them orders and found faults in them. They said, “Our father is not nice”. One of their neighbors was listening to their complains and he decided to intervene. He said something like, “Have you ever realized that may be your father needs your help?” Children did not get it and asked “how”? The man went on to explain.

“As you know, you have your mother who takes care of you. Your mother has servants who take care of her. Everybody has someone or the other who takes care of them. But have you ever wondered who takes care of your father?”

The children were speechless.

“So if your father had a bad day at office, who can he complain to? If he is tired and exhausted or worried – it did not occur to you that he has no one who would take care of him! May be he needs help – did you ever try to help him out?”, the man continued.

The children were still speechless. But their faces told that they had got the point and they did not have something with them in protest.

Well, I am a young father and I do not claim to be experienced enough to have gained the wisdom, but I do remember the day my babies were born and I was alone in hospital with my wife and kids. It was their first night and mother was not strong enough to take care of them. My daughter would cry and I would try to make her calm down. After a while baby would do potty or susu and again cry. Then it would become hungry. At times the nurse would be too busy in other work and I would have to wait. I would hold the crying baby and try to make her stop crying. Once she stopped and starred into my eyes for a long time – as if trying to say something. Then as if her wait was over, she started crying all over again. I felt a sheer sense of helplessness for not being able to make her stop crying. She would cry and cry until I broke down. Silently I cried too – pained by my helplessness! People may say they are proud to be parents and all, but I know that more than anything, fatherhood has been the most ‘humbling’ experience I ever had…

Our society expects the man to be strong enough to face all problems. Women are labeled weak and any act of courage and achievement from them is seen as an exception and rewarded accordingly. But the poor man – he can’t make mistakes – he has no right to be emotional – he has to carry whole burden on his own shoulders and not even flinch his eyes. I don’t know if we ever stop and think what goes inside a man’s heart. May be we don’t realize that a man has a heart too. It is the same story in literature, art and movies.

I think it is time when we do a bit of re-balancing of the manner in which we judge men. Why re-balancing? Because times have changed. Today's world is no longer a "man's world". Today, a man is expected to do a lot of things earlier he was not. Today, things do not work like they worked before - where men could settle down matters in their "manly" ways. Today, almost every job that men do expects them to be "unlike" a typical male a hundred years ago. Men by design find it difficult to change. And they have in fact changed a lot, keeping with the time. But at times I think our over-expectations can create friction. 

I think we have been too harsh on men while judging them. We have been too unforgiving. We have taken their virtues for granted and punished them severely when they make mistakes. We set very high standards for them and expect them to act right every single time. At some point of time we forget that they have to climb a learning curve too. Most of the time, we forget, in the words of the man from the movie - that men often do not have anyone to take care of them. I think it is time we look at men with some "empathy" too. 

- Rahul [Disclaimer: Views expressed are personal.]