'Papa Takle Ho Gaye'

 

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There is a neighborhood kid of about 6 who used to play with me a lot. He was visiting our home after a few weeks. I had recently colored my hair, hence I showed it to him and asked him how did my grey hair turn into total black? He did not reply. After repeating the question and making him recall how my hair had lots of whites earlier, he finally said that he did not know how it turned back. I realized that he had not noticed my hair; whether grey or white! It reminded me of another incident.

My kids were seeing me after a long gap. My daughter was about 3.5. I went to get a hair cut and as soon as I returned home, she came, noticed me, and said, “Papa takle ho gaye”, pointing to my short hair! She had not only noticed that I had a haircut, but she had also noticed that I had short hair now! Plus, she thought to share her observation with me. I was really impressed with her intelligence as well as thoughtfulness. And somewhere, it was also got to do with gender. My son did not notice my haircut at all!

At any given age, we can notice in small children that most of the times girls are cleverer than boys. Their minds work in slightly different manner than boys. We can notice the differences in the way they choose toys or express themselves. Now, imagine a society which tries to raise boys and girls in the same manner! Will that be called feminism? By all means, it will cause harm to both boys and girls. We need not force our gender-righteousness on our kids. Let girls be ‘girly’ and boys be like ‘boys’ if their natural inclinations are showing in that manner. Let us not force them to behave and be the “same”.

Thoughts triggered by the kind of news media outlets expose to me these days.

- Rahul Tiwary

Thoughts: The Idea of Making Things Right

My flipflop (slipper) had got broken. I had a spare pair of flipflops which lied near the door of the bathroom. But out of habit and comfort, I still wore that broken flipflop that day for some time. At that time I was on the bed. My little son came and saw the broken slipper lying near the bed. He instantly said, "We should not wear broken slippers, papa". And then he picks up the broken slipper, goes to the bathroom door, drops the broken slipper and picks up one of the slippers from there which was not broken; and brings it to me and leaves it near the old slipper. I was left amused.

What made the kid, who is such a baby, to try and make my slippers "right". He not only had an idea that "we should not wear broken slippers"; but when he saw me wearing one, he exchanged it with the unbroken one to "make things right". At such an early age, he not only has this wisdom to judge and differentiate between right and wrong but also the inclination to go the extra mile, making hands dirty, and to make things right. 

I know all of us are "righteous" till some point in our life. Then after going through the grind, in due course of time, most of us gradually lose that sense of righteousness. Often when we see wrong things, we tend to just "mind our own business" and walk away. And this tendency some times ends up making life hell for a few people. Where are the good Samaritans which civil society needs? Where are the role-model employees which all organizations need; to inculcate the right values and realize their vision statements? 

Someone said that the burden of improving this world lies on "unreasonable" folks; who decide to "make a change" instead of "minding their own business". I realize how right this statement is. Looking at the experience with the kid, I am left impressed and also hopeful. That our world will become better every passing day; until there are people who make it better every passing day. 

- Rahul Tiwary

Environment: Why Aluminium Foil And Plastic Is Bad For Your Kids

I read an article on MSN.com by nutrition and exercise science expert, Rujuta Diwekar on why we must avoid aluminum foils as well, apart from plastic. Here are some salient points:

-      Plastic, of any kind or brand, leeches harmful chemicals in the food causing hormonal imbalance frequent illnesses, cranky behavior and more

-      Aluminium replaces zinc inside the body and effects insulin functioning

-      Reducing plastic usage is great for environment too

-      Plastic box soaks the smell and color of a particular food and contaminates it

-      Plastic box can lead to obesity. Did you know? Yes, you read it right

-      Use of plastic in some way or the leads to human infertility

-      Plastic contains toxic compounds which are harmful for human body

-      Never heat up plastic boxes. It leeches out harmful chemicals

-      You can cut down the number of plastic boxes by recycling them

Read complete article here: Link

-      Rahul Tiwary

[Society] Who Takes Care of Fathers?

Sometime back I watched a movie where children of a rude father got really annoyed with the hard-headed manner in which they were treated. They complained that their father did not play with them, did not do anything to impress them; but just gave them orders and found faults in them. They said, “Our father is not nice”. One of their neighbors was listening to their complains and he decided to intervene. He said something like, “Have you ever realized that may be your father needs your help?” Children did not get it and asked “how”? The man went on to explain.

“As you know, you have your mother who takes care of you. Your mother has servants who take care of her. Everybody has someone or the other who takes care of them. But have you ever wondered who takes care of your father?”

The children were speechless.

“So if your father had a bad day at office, who can he complain to? If he is tired and exhausted or worried – it did not occur to you that he has no one who would take care of him! May be he needs help – did you ever try to help him out?”, the man continued.

The children were still speechless. But their faces told that they had got the point and they did not have something with them in protest.

Well, I am a young father and I do not claim to be experienced enough to have gained the wisdom, but I do remember the day my babies were born and I was alone in hospital with my wife and kids. It was their first night and mother was not strong enough to take care of them. My daughter would cry and I would try to make her calm down. After a while baby would do potty or susu and again cry. Then it would become hungry. At times the nurse would be too busy in other work and I would have to wait. I would hold the crying baby and try to make her stop crying. Once she stopped and starred into my eyes for a long time – as if trying to say something. Then as if her wait was over, she started crying all over again. I felt a sheer sense of helplessness for not being able to make her stop crying. She would cry and cry until I broke down. Silently I cried too – pained by my helplessness! People may say they are proud to be parents and all, but I know that more than anything, fatherhood has been the most ‘humbling’ experience I ever had…

Our society expects the man to be strong enough to face all problems. Women are labeled weak and any act of courage and achievement from them is seen as an exception and rewarded accordingly. But the poor man – he can’t make mistakes – he has no right to be emotional – he has to carry whole burden on his own shoulders and not even flinch his eyes. I don’t know if we ever stop and think what goes inside a man’s heart. May be we don’t realize that a man has a heart too. It is the same story in literature, art and movies.

I think it is time when we do a bit of re-balancing of the manner in which we judge men. Why re-balancing? Because times have changed. Today's world is no longer a "man's world". Today, a man is expected to do a lot of things earlier he was not. Today, things do not work like they worked before - where men could settle down matters in their "manly" ways. Today, almost every job that men do expects them to be "unlike" a typical male a hundred years ago. Men by design find it difficult to change. And they have in fact changed a lot, keeping with the time. But at times I think our over-expectations can create friction. 

I think we have been too harsh on men while judging them. We have been too unforgiving. We have taken their virtues for granted and punished them severely when they make mistakes. We set very high standards for them and expect them to act right every single time. At some point of time we forget that they have to climb a learning curve too. Most of the time, we forget, in the words of the man from the movie - that men often do not have anyone to take care of them. I think it is time we look at men with some "empathy" too. 

- Rahul [Disclaimer: Views expressed are personal.]

Good parenting

This is not about MBA, but something greater than that. The most difficult art or science - is being a good parent. Read on. I saw this message and thought to share it here. I agree with all points, except that I think brother-sister fights in the childhood are a way of learning and growing up too. In such situations, the only thing the parents have to take care about is to be just in their decisions/settlements of fights irrespective of the gender.

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Don't let your son grow up to be a male chauvinist. Teach him to respect women as equals, so he grows up into a fine young man who will do you proud.

1. Teach your son that he should never, ever strike a girl, no matter what the provocation. If he has a sister who he constantly fights with and they regularly exchange blows, he may not easily grasp the concept that boys don't hit girls. However, as your children grow, they will outgrow the phase of fistfights, so it is important that you inculcate this value in him.

2. Teach your son to question sexism by teaching him to respect his sister as his equal. By doing this, you will be teaching him to respect all women as equals.

3. Make sure your son contributes equally in the household chores. If your daughter lays the table, your son can clear it after the meal. Chores should be rotated, so no child feels that they've got the raw end of the deal.

4. Don't expect your daughter to serve your son, or your son will expect the same of his wife. And if she does not meet his expectations, there will be marital discord. Similarly, teach your daughter to respect herself and her gender by not asking her to iron your son's clothes, or to prepare lunch for him when you or your cook are not available. They can order food from out, or the two off them can scramble some eggs together.

5. Teach your son cooking. Most chefs are men, and many of the world's best cooks are men. You will be doing him a service, not a disservice, by teaching him how to cook. If he's got a sweet tooth, start off by teaching him how to bake a cake… and take it from there. There's nothing effeminate about entering the kitchen. Some of the most macho men I know love to cook, so break out of this old school of thought. You could start off by asking him to watch you bake a cake, and to help you out by whipping the eggs, passing you the sugar, etc. Get him involved, and his interest will rise.

6. Teach your son chess, teach him how to use a computer or teach him a subject at school. Don't expect only your husband to teach him things that require him to use his brains. If you teach him how to, say, use a computer, his respect for you, and consequently, his respect for women, will increase tremendously. The fact that you may be a stay-at-home mother has nothing to do with it. If your son sees you as intelligent, you've done very well! But if he thinks that 'only papa is intelligent' or 'boys are much cleverer than girls', you've got some serious catching up to do.

7. Be a good role model for your child as a father. Respect your wife, and respect her opinions. Avoid cracking sexist jokes with your son, and if you do, make sure that your son knows that they are just jokes. Seek your wife's opinion. As a mother, strengthen your child's opinion of you by not nagging your husband constantly in front of your child, by not losing control of yourself or your emotions in front of the children, and by appearing strong and balanced in their eyes.