Article: Femininity is Fragile

I came across a writeup and found it really interesting. I am sharing some portions of it here in this blog post. At the end of the writeup, two web links are given, to explore more from the author.

This is just for reflections. I am sure you would find many of these relatable with someone you know, or even with your life experiences.

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You pay for the sins of every guy that ** her up before you met her. Her father, her ex etc.

Because the trauma from her suffering typically overshadows the wisdom from her experiences.

Women do not improve with use. They deteriorate.

Deep down everybody knows this.

This is why being the first love of a woman of a good father is the best shot you'll ever have.

This is why traditionally women were married off young as virgins.

Because women are fragile, and as they accumulate experience they accumulate trauma that ruins them for romance.

The feminine is not built for stress. It is the masculine that is forged through the traumas of suffering, not the feminine. Women who actively have to work on being feminine aren't ascending to a higher stage, they're trying to get back something they had but lost to suffering.

The feminine is in its natural state, complete. The same cannot be said for the masculine. The masculine undergoes a journey which requires the integration of the shadow and the shedding and loss of innocence to truly self-actualise. Women attempting the same journey will implode.

There is no man you would truly consider a man who hasn't paid a trip to hell. Those are the fees we pay. That's the cost of being man. A woman who went to hell is a shadow of her former self because hell destroys femininity. Which is why it strengthens men and destroys women.

Not every man survives hell. The weak ones suicide, or become sociopathic - highly emotional, unbalanced and destructive men who lash out at everything aggressively in the same way your typical feminist woman does.

But men *CAN* make the trip and be better for it.

Women cannot.

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Men do "need to get in touch with their softer side" but not until they've been to hell, survived, made peace with it and come out the other end free of resentment and bitterness, but fortified by their experiences into a man.

And its a good woman's love that brings that out.

The reason for this is simple. If you've been to hell, you became a monster to beat a monster, and if you're not careful, that monster will possess you (sociopathy). Connecting with your softer side is thus a counterbalance to the evil that lurks within you and helps centre you.

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Femininity is fragile and easily snuffed out.

Warm eyes, a coy stare, a gentle smile, a general cheeriness, a shy giggle, modesty, grace and a pure heart - when's the last time you observed the captivating beauty of healthy femininity?

That's what's hard to cultivate & easily snuffed out. Their spiritual beauty is fragile.

And when they lose their spiritual beauty, all that remains is their quasi impersonation of the masculine, and the negative elements of the feminine.

And you know what this looks like, because you've met plenty of feminists.

They are all damaged, failed women.

It's very sad.

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[Society] Who Takes Care of Fathers?

Sometime back I watched a movie where children of a rude father got really annoyed with the hard-headed manner in which they were treated. They complained that their father did not play with them, did not do anything to impress them; but just gave them orders and found faults in them. They said, “Our father is not nice”. One of their neighbors was listening to their complains and he decided to intervene. He said something like, “Have you ever realized that may be your father needs your help?” Children did not get it and asked “how”? The man went on to explain.

“As you know, you have your mother who takes care of you. Your mother has servants who take care of her. Everybody has someone or the other who takes care of them. But have you ever wondered who takes care of your father?”

The children were speechless.

“So if your father had a bad day at office, who can he complain to? If he is tired and exhausted or worried – it did not occur to you that he has no one who would take care of him! May be he needs help – did you ever try to help him out?”, the man continued.

The children were still speechless. But their faces told that they had got the point and they did not have something with them in protest.

Well, I am a young father and I do not claim to be experienced enough to have gained the wisdom, but I do remember the day my babies were born and I was alone in hospital with my wife and kids. It was their first night and mother was not strong enough to take care of them. My daughter would cry and I would try to make her calm down. After a while baby would do potty or susu and again cry. Then it would become hungry. At times the nurse would be too busy in other work and I would have to wait. I would hold the crying baby and try to make her stop crying. Once she stopped and starred into my eyes for a long time – as if trying to say something. Then as if her wait was over, she started crying all over again. I felt a sheer sense of helplessness for not being able to make her stop crying. She would cry and cry until I broke down. Silently I cried too – pained by my helplessness! People may say they are proud to be parents and all, but I know that more than anything, fatherhood has been the most ‘humbling’ experience I ever had…

Our society expects the man to be strong enough to face all problems. Women are labeled weak and any act of courage and achievement from them is seen as an exception and rewarded accordingly. But the poor man – he can’t make mistakes – he has no right to be emotional – he has to carry whole burden on his own shoulders and not even flinch his eyes. I don’t know if we ever stop and think what goes inside a man’s heart. May be we don’t realize that a man has a heart too. It is the same story in literature, art and movies.

I think it is time when we do a bit of re-balancing of the manner in which we judge men. Why re-balancing? Because times have changed. Today's world is no longer a "man's world". Today, a man is expected to do a lot of things earlier he was not. Today, things do not work like they worked before - where men could settle down matters in their "manly" ways. Today, almost every job that men do expects them to be "unlike" a typical male a hundred years ago. Men by design find it difficult to change. And they have in fact changed a lot, keeping with the time. But at times I think our over-expectations can create friction. 

I think we have been too harsh on men while judging them. We have been too unforgiving. We have taken their virtues for granted and punished them severely when they make mistakes. We set very high standards for them and expect them to act right every single time. At some point of time we forget that they have to climb a learning curve too. Most of the time, we forget, in the words of the man from the movie - that men often do not have anyone to take care of them. I think it is time we look at men with some "empathy" too. 

- Rahul [Disclaimer: Views expressed are personal.]