The Innocence and Sadness of Being Salman Khan

 

Most Hindi movie channels on TV show dubbed language films from the Southern states, filled all through with mindless violence, which make no sense. And then a few other TV channels show old Hindi movies which again makes little sense. I don’t know what will it take for the TV channels to realize that people would like to watch films of the current time, made in the same language, because otherwise how would one ‘connect’ with a film? But these TV channels are run part of bigger organizations and each need to have a movie channel, a news channel, a general entertainment channel, and so on. Therefore, there is little focus on quality, and customers are left to fend for themselves – meaning, keep browsing channels till a tolerable show can be found.

I happened to land on a movie channel which was showing an old movie of Salman Khan from the year 1990, meaning Salman Khan was 25 at that time. I watch him on the Bigg Boss show these days and hence am aware of how he is now. I was shocked to find how he was at the age of 25 in this old movie. 

In this old movie from 1990, his name was “Sajan”. In the film, he spoke so innocently, with such softness, that it is difficult to believe he was the same person that he is now. He was young, thin, with sensitive eyes and a soft voice. Nothing in the texture of his voice matched his current voice. No facial expression, nothing from his personality from that time matches his current self, as seen in Bigg Boss show on TV. Is this what ageing is – it makes the same person so “different”?

In the film, Salman Khan’s character falls in love with a girl, who again was young. I read now that it was her first film. Like Salman Khan, her expressions were also so pure in the film. There was not an iota of artificialness of acting. Salman Khan talked to her in the film in such a gentle manner. In the first scene when he sees her, he just stares at her for several minutes, as if the world had stopped. There is so much innocence in his face, which is remarkable.

At the same time, when I look at him in the reality show on TV now a day, he appears mostly bitter all the time. When he has to congratulate any participant, he gives an expression which is borderline hatred, and rest a mix of apathy, indifference, and bitterness. There is clear artificialness in his behaviour now. His bitterness seems like just an outward expression of sadness he feels inside. Otherwise, what else could explain it?

I am of course not in a position to judge his life situations or his journey, but I am just wondering based on what I see on screen and read in newspapers. It was a disaster that he did not marry. Looking at how he treated the actress in this film from 1990, it is clear that he was a good person and would have made a good ‘family man’. I am inclined to put lot of blame on his family for not getting him married at the right age, due to which he came to the situation where he did not want to marry at all. At the same time, from media reports, it seems he decided not to marry because the women he loved declined to marry him. Due to such things, I detest this whole business of falling in love. Falling in love is good only if the two get married. The one-sided love, or rejection in love, can harm a person’s psychology, like perhaps it did to Salman Khan.

I am still in shock to see no resemblance between Salman Khan of 1990 with his current self. His innocence replaced by sadness expressed in bitterness, I don’t know if it was worth it all for him. But I know, in the end, only we are the best judges of our lives, and no one else can take into account all the things we underwent, in order to be able to judge us. Therefore, I would definitely give him a benefit of doubt. And I shall keep wondering about the complexities of human life.

- Rahul

Life: Simple Honesty

During my last job, I had kept a picture in my Microsoft Office profile, which was about 6 years old. I kept the same picture after I joined my current job and one day I noticed it and felt that I needed to update my profile picture. I tried to take few selfies and realized a magical fact that our photographs turn out to be worse along with time. After struggling to take a good enough selfie, and selfie was a bad idea for a formal looking picture anyway, one fine morning I just took few selfies after taking a bath and wearing my favorite tshirt, and I felt it was good enough. I resized it to make it smaller, cropped it, blurred it just enough, and uploaded it on my MS Office profile picture. 

My colleages immediately took note of it and spoke about it in the team meeting. I told them that my earlier picture was about 6 years old and hence I changed it. They seemed to like the new picture. During another call, my manager joined and other team members told him about my new profile picture and he mentioned a few words trying to be polite and happy, but including something like “at least some of us are getting old”. From that, I realized that I was looking older in this new picture; and it was completely fine for me since I was indeed getting older with time and there is nothing wrong in it. I remembered one manager from one of my previous jobs and she had loaded her college picture in her profile picture and never updated it despite completing 10 years on the job; and she said her inspiration was to keep looking like her college picture! Did she actually look like her 10-year-old picture?  In her 10-year-old picture, she was laughing cheerfully like young people do, and perhaps the picture was cropped from a large group photograph from her college days. Everyone is happy in college days, even the bad people. In her current age, she was not really like her old days, but who was going to tell her that?  

Coming back to my story; I was aware that the picture was not very good, and I was fine with it. Then one day while talking to my niece who was looking at how I was working on my laptop, she noticed my profile picture and said, “this is bad”. I was taken aback for a moment with her blunt honesty, but since she was right about it and I am not too touchy about my looks anyway, I just took it as honest feedback. I am planning to change my profile picture now. 

End of the story is that I was touched with my niece’s raw honesty. 

There is something very good about “simple honesty”. 

- Rahul 

“Ham to nahi dekhe hain”

Kiddo’s grandmother called him and after the initial first couple of months, there was a gap of about 5 years. He was informed that “daadi” (grandmother) was on phone. He picked up the phone and what he said in first sentence, floored me.

He said, “ham to nahi dekhe hain” (But I have not seen you yet). He said it in such an innocent manner and without any malice from the adult world. Well, it is true that he had not seen her from the time he remembers things around him. Normally, when we talk to someone over phone, the caller’s mental image comes in front of our eyes while we talk. But if we have never met the other person, we adults still try to make a bit of an image, based on the voice, tone and mannerism. But, how could a 5-year-old kid make a mental image of his grandmother when he never met her? That is why, the first thing he said was, “I have never met you!” It was so honest and so touching.

He talked nicely. And when asked about his mother, he said, “Wo duty jaati hai aur fir aati hai.” (She goes to work and comes back later). For the kid, mother going out of home and returning to home, both were “events” worth remembering. Normally, if same question is asked to a grownup person, one can just say, “she goes”. But, the kid had to mention both the going and the coming, because both were very significant events for him.

Children are ancient sages in disguise.

- Rahul Tiwary

चारदीवारी

रेल यात्रा के दौरान सहयात्रियों में एक छोटे भाई-बहन भी थे। "पायल" नाम की बहन करीब ६ साल की थी और भाई १० का, जिसे वो बस "भाई" कह कर पुकारती। भाइयों के लिए सामान्यतः "भइया" शब्द ज्यादा प्रचलन में है, और "भाई" आजकल कहीं और की तुलना में बॉलीवुड के 'अंडर-वर्ल्ड' और सलमान खान की ज्यादा याद दिलाते हैं। तो भाई-बहन पूरी यात्रा में स्टोन-पेपर-सीज़र, और कौन ज्यादा देर तक साँस रोकता है - ऐसे बचपने के खेल खेलते रहे। पर इससे पहले कि मैं सोचता कि ये बच्चे "स्मार्टफोन" नामक बीमारी से अछूते हैं - वो अपनी माँ के स्मार्टफोन पर ऑडियो सॉंग्स सुनने लगे। और वो भी कैसे? ईयर-फोन के दोनों बड्स को अपने एक-एक कान में डाले और अपनी पतली-पतली आवाजों में गाते रहते। डब्बे में मौजूद बाकी यात्री उनके प्यार भरे बचपन से प्रभावित हुए बिना नहीं रह पाए। पर तब एक मजेदार बात हुई। 

ट्रेन एक ऐसे जगह से गुजर रही थी जहाँ खाली जमीन पर चारदीवारियां खिंची हुई थीं। भाई ने बहन से कहा "देखो" तो बहन ने देखा और बोल उठी - "उसे घेरा गया है ताकि बॉल उसके उधर न जा सके"। छह साल की पायल के लिए एक चारदीवारी का वही काम था - खेलते समय गेंद को उसके पार जाने से रोकना! कितना नादान पर अद्भुत वाक्य था वो! 

क्या हम सब उस बच्ची की तरह ही नादान नहीं हैं? चाहे जितना जान लो, जितना देख समझ लो - ज्ञान तो अनंत है। हमेशा काफी कुछ देखने, जानने और समझने के लिए शेष रहेगा ही! तो किसी भी चीज पर हमारी कोई भी समझदारी भरी बात "ताकि बॉल उसके उधर न जा सके" जैसी ही साबित हो सकती है! 

काश हमें हमेशा याद रहे कि हम कितना कम जानते हैं और कितने नादान हैं। मेरी रेल यात्रा के नन्हे सहयात्री मुझे यह सिखला गए।

- राहुल तिवारी

[Reflections] Our Life, Our Goals and Our Relationships

For the last 5 years Rohit wanted to go to an onsite assignment from his company. Today when he got an opportunity, he does not want to go anymore. He does not feel the need any more to go. Why? Because, whenever he thinks about going, face of his newly born son comes to his mind – and he does not want to miss being together with him. It is a classic case of changing priorities. And I think there is nothing wrong in it. What appears important today, may not appear important enough tomorrow. So what do we do with this learning? Let us not be rigid about anything – this can be a good lesson.

One of the truths of life is that no goal is permanent. We all are taught in the childhood and younger days to be ‘focused’ towards our ‘goals’. But most of those ‘goals’ are not ‘our’ goals to begin with – those are the goals which our parents, family members and society have decided for us. When we are young, no one cares about what we want – because they don’t trust our instincts – and hence they write prescriptions for us based on what they think is best for us. But sometimes we get so much used-to with this prescriptive mode of decision making, that we waste a large part of our life in fulfilling others’ dreams rather than our own. Some of us even forget that we could have our own dreams.

Relationships are the most difficult stuff in this world. Because it is one area where you don’t have individual control over it – you depend on the other person or persons for doing anything. Sometimes I feel that to find someone who goes on nicely with you – is such a rare thing in this world! The other person need not be like you, or think like you, or do things the manner in which you would do it too, but that person’s thinking, way of doing things and being makes you ‘complete’ and ‘content’ – and that I think is the ultimate test of compatibility.

Even in the matters of relationships, I think our society has taken the easier path. They tend to find ‘equality’ most of the time – which may not be the same as ‘compatibility’. Most of the social conventions and norms are made with ‘simplicity’ and ‘practicality’ in mind, not specifically efficiency and effectiveness. This can be understood because it would not be possible for society to determine and guess things are a micro level. And hence they made rules at a macro level. It is up to us to remind us of these limitations while imitating what society has framed for us without customizing it according to our needs or situations.

The most unfortunate thing in life would be to lead a long life lived on others’ terms. For life is often judged by its outcomes and not on its insides or content – which again is due to limitations in social control. I think we ourselves are the best judges on our lives. There is no one else who knows us and our situations better than us; and hence it would not be possible for others to judge us and our life.

This is one subject where thinking and talking does not help. Everyone is constrained by a numerous things and hence for us to expect the other person to act or react in a particular fashion would be a wrong thing to do. But where does this leave us in the matter of relationships where we are forced to depend on the other person for its success? A lot of people either go into a shell or end up breaking the cord when faced with an intolerable prospect. It would be harsh to judge them – a principle we made and must follow. So where does it lead us to – can we conclude anything on relationships?

I think where it leads me to is the realization that it is a matter of great luck that we come across the ‘right’ person or persons. Having once found such persons, it is our responsibility to tread cautiously and ‘protect’ the relationship. But here again, it gets tricky. As someone said – relationships are like holding sand in our fist – if we put pressure, it escapes from the gaps of our fingers and if we hold on it too softly – it again is lost. So all that is in our control is to try and hope for the best.

So does Lord Krishna’s teaching on Karma comes best to our rescue? To do best that is in our hand and to leave the results to the Supreme? Well, it may be unexpected but it indeed seems so…

- Rahul Tiwary 

Changing Colours

Once we were discussing how some people ‘change’ colors depending on the situation. At one moment they would be fiery and stern, but another moment they would like the humblest in the world. They would change according to the situation and their self-interest. At this, mother told an interesting story from her household:

It so happened that the cat which was a nuisance to mother’s kitchen gave birth to some babies somewhere on the upper shelfs. Seeing her condition, mother didn’t prevent her from entering the kitchen. But for the sly cat, motherhood had brought a great change. After she kept her babies in our kitchen, she stopped eating or stealing anything from our house! Even if milk would be kept uncovered, she would not drink anything from it! Mother was happy and she had no problems with the cat now. Before late night, the cat would feed her babies with her milk and then she would go out of the house to hunt and eat during the whole night so that mother cat remains strong enough. Then she would return in the morning. If we would be sleeping and kitchen would be closed in the morning, she would sit outside the kitchen do very soft and polite meuw-meuw, making mother to come and open the door. This way, her critical months passed without any threat.

But once her babies grew old and she took them outside our house, she changed into her previous self. She would not leave any food items untouched and would keep mother on her toes.

Mother says that when a cat can change herself this way to serve her selfish interests, what can we say about humans?

- Rahul

Changing Colours

Once we were discussing how some people ‘change’ colors depending on the situation. At one moment they would be fiery and stern, but another moment they would like the humblest in the world. They would change according to the situation and their self-interest. At this, mother told an interesting story from her household:

It so happened that the cat which was a nuisance to mother’s kitchen gave birth to some babies somewhere on the upper shelfs. Seeing her condition, mother didn’t prevent her from entering the kitchen. But for the sly cat, motherhood had brought a great change. After she kept her babies in our kitchen, she stopped eating or stealing anything from our house! Even if milk would be kept uncovered, she would not drink anything from it! Mother was happy and she had no problems with the cat now. Before late night, the cat would feed her babies with her milk and then she would go out of the house to hunt and eat during the whole night so that mother cat remains strong enough. Then she would return in the morning. If we would be sleeping and kitchen would be closed in the morning, she would sit outside the kitchen do very soft and polite meuw-meuw, making mother to come and open the door. This way, her critical months passed without any threat.

But once her babies grew old and she took them outside our house, she changed into her previous self. She would not leave any food items untouched and would keep mother on her toes.

Mother says that when a cat can change herself this way to serve her selfish interests, what can we say about humans?

- Rahul