I still clearly remember the day my grandfather had died. I was in high school at that time. For about a week he was hospitalized in a different city. We used to get updates by phone. Father and uncles were with him. Almost whole of the extended family had gathered in his house and we waited everyday for some good news. But that day we woke up into a morning which was so very different. Grandfather’s body was brought back. They had just arrived and he was still inside the car.
Though I woke up because of the noise, I still remained in bed. I had sensed what had happened, but I didn’t know what to do. Then I heard someone sobbing. I thought it was inappropriate for me to remain in bed and hence I came out. The person sobbing was my elder sister! I was shocked. I and my sis had grown up fighting and competing for everything, as there was a difference of only 2 years between us. And I used to consider her stone-hearted (because many times she beat me up bitterly). I was so shocked that she was sobbing.
When I went downstairs, I saw my cousins (brothers). One asked me if I had cried. In a sorry state, I said no, because I was too awkward at the moment to cry. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know what to say. But I didn’t feel like crying for sure. He said that it seemed so, seeing my eyes. I said it was because of (lack of) sleep. I saw my cousins even smiling – perhaps they were happy to see us and to come to grandpa’s house after a long time. But my sister had cried.
For a long time, may be even today, I feel sorry that I couldn’t cry that day. My ‘stone hearted’ sis had cried – and perhaps I felt outcompeted. Did that make her better grandchild than me? I don’t know. But she had a heart…
Part of it was also because of our age: I was younger than my sis, and my cousins were younger than me. But I also realized how different boys and girls were… Even now I can see my tough sister sobbing. And my cousin bros smiling. And I, not knowing what to feel… Are men from Mars and women from Venus?
No comments:
Post a Comment