There are no bad marriages; only bad people

 

There are no bad marriages, only bad people. Show me a marriage gone bad, I will show you a person gone bad. Why marriages fail may be a complex question, but my understanding is that marriages failing is only a symptom of a person failing. A marriage failing has many effects and after-effects, and people often can’t pinpoint to one root-cause. But if you look closely, typically, one of the two spouses was a wrong person, causing the marriage to fail.

What we call “compatibility problem” is actually one bad spouse trying to impose things on the other, who decides to push back instead of bending. What we call aspirations and lifestyles not matching is basically one spouse developing unreasonable aspirations which the other can’t cope with. And when it comes to other reasons for ending marriages, like infidelity, domestic violence, alcoholism or cruelty, are obviously due to lack of character of one spouse.

My theory is that the blame for ending marriage hardly lies on both parties; but mostly rests on one of the two. People close to the family know who the bad apple is; though they may not talk openly about it.

Unfortunately, the real cost of failing marriage is paid by the children, if any were already produced by the time the couple decided to part ways. The couples who part ways before kids were born are lucky and evil both at the same time. There is a theory which says that if the wife is not interested in having a baby, it is because she is not sure she wants to spend whole life with that man. And if the man is not eager to have a kid, he may also be having other plans. Ideally, people marry to have kids, and one should have kids reasonably sooner after the marriage, otherwise, in the era where people date each other for years before marriage, what was the point of getting married to begin with?

Everyone is aware of the psychological void suffered by the children raised by single parents. What they are not aware of is ways to avoid “the problem”. A happy and everlasting marriage is the only solution to avoid this problem.

If you notice the general character of people in society from the things happening around us and the news and events, it would be clear that there is a general decline in honesty and ethical behaviour. It is totally logical, because earlier the world was small and in small towns everyone knew everyone else. It was difficult not to be sensitive towards others and people were naturally more social. With life in big cities, families living long distances, people living in isolation due to work, etc, there is a natural decline in social behaviour and general empathy. There is more probability of people going rogue now, and hence marriages are going rogue too.

The institution of marriage was one sacred invention by human society which made people from improper animals to proper men. Right now, the marriages are at threat because the modern world is breaking age long ways of social life and the modern, materialistic life is not designed with happy family life as its top priority.

- Rahul